WHY CHOOSE TO NOT ABUSE?
I
am a parent of a murdered child. That gives me the right to say, feel, and act
any way I want – as long as I don’t hurt myself or anyone else. When it comes
to the monster who battered my tiny disabled child until Adam died, forgiveness
is a word I choose to not apply.
With
that said, I need to ask, ‘WHY?”
Why
would anyone abuse a child? Especially mine. Adam was severely disabled because
he was born with Cornelia de Lange Syndrome. Adam didn’t cry. He made tiny
noises because his voice didn’t include a loud dial. He couldn’t throw toys or
make a mess of any kind except in his pants. He made a game of that and his sister
and I always thought it was funny and laughed. He was our greatest source of
joy. He was no bigger than a smiley-faced Teddy Bear. Not one of those
ginormous expensive ones a person wins at a state fair, just a small one that
could fit on your hip the way Adam did.
 |
| (Adam's Teddy bear) |
Yet
a sub-human took it upon himself to abuse and destroy my child. Adam was thrown
against a wall, beaten in the mouth, and then punched so hard my little boy
didn’t survive. This fiendish brute had impossibly enormous hands that were hard
with hate and red with rage. He used them to pulverize my little boy. WHY? Who
can read the mind of a monster who chose evil over good?
Justice
for Adam was denied for eighteen years because first, I was accused. WHY? I was
an easy target for a lazy lead detective and society to condemn. It took
eighteen years to convict Adam’s murderer and another seventeen years to
exonerate me, but the fiend never confessed. WHY? The wicked monster who
murdered my child claimed dissociation from the responsibility of his crime. He
refused to look at himself in the mirror and acknowledge the horrors he
committed.
WHY
hit a child? Even an obnoxious stubborn acting-out kid – the way my
step-daughter once was, never deserved being hit.
When
she was a young girl growing up, she liked drama. I mean screaming, hollering,
stomping, running, throwing a fit, accusing me of, “You’re not my mama!” drama.
She visited our neighbors and accused me of hitting her. Her teachers called me
and questioned me: “WHY would your step-daughter say you were abusing her if it
weren’t true?” This little girl knew how to trigger both sympathy from others and
my PTSD. I admit. Sometimes I felt like slapping her to quiet her down, shut
her up, and save me from being falsely accused again, but I never did. She was
a kid.
Instead
of hitting her, I reasoned, cajoled, talked, waited, and prayed with and for
her. Eventually, I had to distance myself so I would be safe from further
accusations. I knew this phase would pass and it mostly has. I don’t think we
will ever be friends because her drama-loving-real mama set the example for the
off-off-Broadway performances in which both actively participated. Some of the
talent for theatrics became her heritage and may feasibly stay with her
forever.
No kid deserves to be
abused.
Perhaps
I didn’t hit my step-daughter because I was hit as a child. I remember the red-hot
shock as my parent’s hand hit my face, the paw print of shame it imprinted on
my skin, and how the switch striking my legs burned poker-fire stripes on my shins.
I vowed then to never hit a kid. I didn’t want to make anyone to feel the way I
did. There are better ways to discipline when discipline is needed but there’s
no reason on earth or in heaven to hit a child.
How
do you choose to not abuse? The tears of a child you hear cry can be used as
fuel to help you choose. Hell is filled with those who don’t choose to not
abuse.
For more stories on how to stop child abuse:
https://www.aslongasibreathe.com/2018/07/zero.html
For more stories on how to stop child abuse:
https://www.aslongasibreathe.com/2018/07/zero.html
********
As Long As I Breathe is dedicated to:
survivors of emotional,
physical, spiritual, or sexual abuse,
those who have had to
bury a murdered child,
former members of a
religious cult based on misogyny,
children born with
Cornelia de Lange Syndrome,
and anyone who was
falsely accused of a crime.
********
Joyce A Lefler is a true crime survivor and the author of
From Miracle to Murder: Justice For
Adam.
She is a facilitator for Parents of Murdered Children,
a bereavement counselor, registered nurse,
and an advocate against abuse.
Connect with her:
Website:
Facebook:
Advocacy
project:
Amazon:
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I would love to hear from you. If you have lost a child, if you have been falsely accused, If you are presently in or have recently escaped a controlling misogynistic relationship or religious cult, if you are being abused, you are not alone. I would love to hear from you. Please leave your e-mail address and share your story. Courteous, constructive comments are welcome. All will be monitored before publishing.